Question:My husband has been threatening Divorce for months, and I finally am giving up, and I want out of the relationship also. Now that I have began divorce proceedings, he has been SUPER nice to me, buying me roses, saying that he does not want a divorce. This has happened before, and I took him back, then three days later we were at each-others' throats again. I will continue with the divorce, but I am curious if he is sincere that he wants to be with me, or if he is looking for "the chase". Any ideas?
Answer: You have 3 options.
Firstly, you could abort the divorce altogether and do nothing. This doesn't seem like a good option, because you will probably simply end up fairly soon, right where you are at now.
Secondly, you could proceed with the divorce and completely disregard your husband's "good intentions". This is a viable option. However, in the event that your husband's intentions are truly genuine, we at WDS recommend the third option.
The third option is to proceed with the divorce, or at least, the preliminary stages of the divorce, for example, you need to start assessing your joint assets, and consider the division of these assets, and so on. Depending on your jurisdiction, one-year separation may be grounds for divorce. In any event, it may be a good idea to physically separate while you are assessing your options.
During the time that you are physically apart, you may be able to view the situation with greater objectivity. The fact that your spouse threatened divorce and only becomes interested when "the chase is on" is definitely troublesome. As well, you mention that he threatened divorce in the past. Why does he change his mind when you initiate divorce? Does he want to be "the one", to control the situation?
You can try counselling and see where that leads you. If you do decide to give him an opportunity, give yourself and him concrete timelines and specific goals. Set a priority list for a healthy relationship and ascertain whether he wants to be a part of a stable, long-term relationship and also, whether he is capable of the same. If not, "open your door and chase him right out". Chasing is fun, when it's around the bed, but otherwise, it's simply tiring and best left to small children!!
We wish you all the best,
WDS Staff with input from M.C.
It seems to me your husband
It seems to me your husband is playing games with you. He doesn't want to be married to you, but when faced with divorce he changes his mind. He sounds like a coward to me. Call his bluff and go through with it! You can do better!
in the process
hi
i am really confused and emotionally drained from a relationship that has been strained for the last nine months almost. the other day my husband filed for a divorce and he gave me the impression that he didnt really want it but since has turned bitter and angry.
Done with the process
My husband and I divorced 1 month ago and between our separation up until the divorce we were "dating". We thought divorce would be the right thing. I found some things out right after the divorce and told him to leave me alone. Two weeks later he's calling me again being all nice. I ended up going to a bar where he was at and sleeping with him again. My emotional roller coaster never ends when I do this. Now it seems he's back to I don't want committments. I decided it's time for me and I was strong before and I won't let him bring me down again. I too think it's the chase. I think they probably love us but once they get us back and have us in the palm of their hands they act the same way. It's time to MOVE ON.