Perpetual Funny and Dirty Harlequin

Chapter 1 : It was a dark and stormy winter night in the small village of Cronizhistan, when Anastasia closed the drapes, and settled down to sleep on her billowy feather duvets. No sooner had she closed her eyes when suddenly she heard a noise, a tap-tap on the windowpane of her frosted windows. Was it Colt Travis, the newcomer from America, hoping to sneak in, for a sip of her grandmother’s wine? Could it be Yugogi Barazchtiz, her boyfriend since age 12, the local stonesmith? Could it be her youngest cousin, wanting to sneak away from the suspicious eyes of her over-protective father? Who could it be? Who was at the window?

It was then, that she peered through the blinds and noticed the blinding light of the full moon. She heard a sound- almost like a human howl- and then turned her attention to the tap-tap at her window.”


Chapter 2 : Anastasia bravely opened her window drapes. She wanted to reveal who her conquest might be. Altered by the light of the silvery moon, she suddenly was face to face with a stunningly handsome face of the man she has been dreaming about every night since she could remember. He was staring back at her through her window. The frosted windows only softened his handsome features. Anastasia, her heart thumping loudly within her chest, suddenly wanted to touch his face.

“Open your window” he mouthed the words to her. Suddenly that human howl-like sound screeched from outside again. Anastasia was really frightened now when she also noticed that the handsome face in the window was no longer there. He had left a scrawl like writing on the frosted window that said “Anastasia, Anastasia my love, please let me in – oh why do you keep me locked out, do you not know that I have been waiting for you forever?”

Suddenly Anastasia heard an urgent banging on her door downstairs. She gingerly walked down her spiral staircase towwards her door..

Posted by Georgette.
Chapter 3 : Anastasia went downstairs and slowly opened the door. A man with a generous bulge in his tight pants walked forward….I’ve been waiting for you all my life. He grabbed Anastasia in a bear hug. She did not know what to do….she beat her tiny fists against his massive chest and then he plunged his lips against hers. She was so innocent, as she had never before been kissed. Her nightgown wrapped around his strong manly legs, as large as oak trees, as the wind caressed her skin. She succumbed to the kiss. Her wolf-man’s name, as he whispered in her ear, was Travis Coltrain….come away with me, Miminka, he whispered….what should she do?

Chapter 4 :
Anastasia took a long look at Travis and felt so flustered…what should she do? Run away with her he-man or stay locked away in her tiny shack waiting for the local blacksmith’s son to propose? Gunther certainly did not have manly bulges and rippling muscles like Travis and his buck teeth made speech awkward…she was forever asking him to repeat himself.

Anastasia did not hesitate and placed her tiny hand in the big bear-like hand of Travis. Travis swept Anastasia up into his arms and whispered in her ear that he was taking her to his village up north, to his mountain cabin near the gurgling river of Shtupingood, north of the Trembling Bosom Mountains.

Travis inhaled Anastasia’s sweet scent….lordy; she smelt of pussywillows and orange blossoms. It was hard for Travis to walk with his manroot pressing against his leather pants, but he could not help himself; Anastasia brought out the beast in him. He was already half in love with her; would she love him back?

Anastasia trembled in Travis’ arms. He would brush aside branches and leaves while he carried her through the forest; occasionally brushing his manly arm against her generous bosom; she felt an electric current go through her body down towards her womanly center…oh how divine. She was so innocent of such feelings, but it felt so wonderful!

Travis felt Anastatia’s trembling too and curse it; it made his manroot swell even more….walking became more difficult, but he managed until he came upon an interesting sight.

Posted by Syma.
Chapter 5 :

There standing before Travis and Anastasia was Buck, a man with long black flowing locks, a sharp nose and a square jaw.
“Travis, unhand my woman” yelled Buck. “She is mine. I have been trailing her scent since before she lived in her tiny shack by the orange blossoms bushes and pussy willow trees”. Travis did not know what to do.

Buck was much taller and more muscular than he, with rippling sinuous muscles and only wearing a small loincloth that held a generous spear and wore a basket of arrows on his back. He held his bow and arrow pointed directly at Travis. Travis knew he couldn’t win and deposited Anastasia at Buck’s feet. Now what was she to do?

Travis hightailed it away from the Shtupingood River. Anastatia was again alone, sitting in the mud.

Anger at her predicament made her beautiful cheeks glow red.

How dare you scare off Travis? And I am stuck here in the mud. Buck laughed manly, showing off the laughing wrinkles around his eyes and bright white teeth. Anastatia had quite a view up Buck’s loincloth, as he was not wearing anything underneath, and quickly averted her eyes away. Her breath quickened.

Buck knew Anastatia had seen his private parts and grinned to himself. He had tracked her since before she was kidnapped by that greasy cook, Stinky, who was travelling with cowboys to Virginia Town. Buck had seen the beautiful Anastatia, her long black locks flowing in the wind and her angry green eyes, as she challenged Stinky. Luckily, she hadn’t been hurt, when she proved to all that she could make better oatmeal than Stinky and anyone west of Virginia Town.

Buck decided the first thing to do to Anastatia was to rid her of her dirty, diaphanous bed gown. Come lady, I won’t hurt you, he said in his deep voice. It caused tingles to go down Anastasia’s body. “Come on…get up out of the mud. We’ll have to get that dirty gown off you.”

Anastatia swallowed hard. “I will do it myself in the lake” she said daintily. Turn around. Buck turned and a slow grin spread across his face and Anastatia walked slowly into the lake. She pulled off her dirty nightgown and dipped underneath the cool water and felt suddenly rejuvenated. Suddenly, she felt something brush against her leg underwater! What could it be?


Chapter 6 :

Anastasia was afraid. Did sharks live in the warm water that ran down through the Trembling Bosom Mountains that fed into the Pussyfoot Stream?

No…of course not!

Suddenly, Buck surfaced through the black water, his white teeth shining in his tanned face and the water sluicing through his dark black hair.

Anastasia held her water bed gown against her generous bosom, now floating upright in the tepid water. She clasped her bed gown against her bosom, but with it being sheer, it wasn’t doing a good job of covering her up.

Buck – I told you to turn around! Buck smiled wickedly. “I needed to cool off too and clean up. We have a long trek ahead of us, so we might as well wash up together.” He had a wonderful view of her beautiful bosom, floating so becomingly in the water. “Here – throw you bed gown on the sandy beach. It isn’t doing a good job of covering you up anyways” Buck said wickedly!

Anastasia decided to be a little risque and left her bed gown at the shore. Buck had a wonderful view of her gently rounded derriere and licked his lips. What a tasty morsel she’d be!

Anastasia swam towards Buck, came up as close as she dared. When their lips came even closer and their breath was almost intermingling, a giant air bubble surfaced between them! Buck had farted! He was so excited about this beautiful lady, he had forgotten that he had eaten beans for lunch and forgotten to take his Beano. Anastasia quickly drew back – the stench was horrible.

Buck quickly apologized. How embarrasing! Now, how was he doing to win Anastasia back when he had a noisy colon? What to do! Anastasia quickly put her wet bed gown on and sat at the crackling fire, trying to dry her hair and bed gown. She averted her gaze from Buck as he too came to sit by the fire. It was going to be a long night. Just then, they both heard a scary noise coming from the trees.

Chapter 7:
After Buck cleared his throat to get Anastasia’s attention, he apologized.
He seemed remorseful, but Anastasia had had enough. Do you have any leather pants I can wear and a vest? Buck did, and after hiding behind some bushes and yelling at Buck when he tried to peek, Anastasia changed quickly, donned some moccasins and ripped apart her nightgown and used a long piece to tie her long hair back.

Look, Buck – this is how it’s going to be. I am fed up with men trying to control me! I don’t know where I am going; I don’t know who I will end up with and I sure as hell am not going to be sleeping with you; maybe next to you, but that’s it…got it?!!

Buck swallowed hard. This was a new side to Anastasia and it thrilled him! “Of course, Anna” said Buck, shortening her name. She didn’t seem to mind and only turned her nose up at him. I’ll make you a bed next to mine. Anna smirked; make it across the fire from yours. That way, you will burn your bottom if you try to get too close.

This is how Anastasia always felt inside, but always put this strong, smart side deep inside her. Her parents always said that men preferred meek, unchallenging, uneducated women. Well, Buck certainly had the opposite on his hands.

The first thing we’ll need to do is hunt for some supper, Anastasia said.

Either you give me your arrows and bow, or come help me. Either way, we’ve got to get supper going. Oh…and put on some undergarmets under that loincloth. You don’t want your beedoobies hanging in the wind – I’m liable to shoot them. Buck ran quickly into the teepee and grabbed the closest undergarmets he could find. He had a feeling that Anna would shoot him just for fun!

They both trekked into the forest, with Anastasia leading the way. Just then, they heard a twig crack!

Recent Posts